


aliens on and off the ground

by chashmish (orphan_account)



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Again sort of, Character Study, M/M, Psychological, set somewhere after the first trial, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-17 11:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/867191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/chashmish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata can't stop thinking about blood and the way it would look on Komaeda's pale hands, or maybe his own.<br/>(Each day it gets a little harder to breathe.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	aliens on and off the ground

In Hinata’s dream he is holding a knife. It’s heavy in his hands, too heavy, and soon he becomes aware of the blood staining his hands, the blood pooling at his feet.

The corpse is unidentifiable; there are too many stab wounds and there is so much blood. Hinata is exhausted and soon he cannot bring himself to stand, instead collapsing to the ground. It’s hard, concrete, and Hinata wonders if it will forgive him but he decides not to think about it.

He kneels, prostrating, as if he is worshipping the body. Blood is thick on his clothes, his arms. Hinata wants to sleep.

His eyes close but when he hears footsteps- clear, sharp as the anonymous feet slap the concrete- he raises his head. For some reason, when he sees the other boy, he is not at all surprised. In fact, he is relieved, almost as if Hinata was expecting him all along.

Komaeda smiles and kneels next to him. Blood immediately leaks through his shoes and his pants but he has eyes only for Hinata, and when Komaeda tilts his head and softly says “Hello, Hinata-kun,” it finally begins to feel like a nightmare.

It’s only when he’s awake, though, that the fear sets in.

Immediately he’s sitting up, heaving, the horror so potent it chokes him, each breath a struggle but he manages, he manages to stay alive because isn’t that what he’s been doing all along? Isn’t that what he’s had to do, not just here on this island in hell but every day of his pathetic life? Living! Breathing! It has never been easy for him. It has never come as naturally to him as it has to everyone else because he is-

_I am panicking._

(It feels like the first lucid thought he’s had in a long, long time.)

He forces himself into calm.

_Because I am…_

Why can’t he remember?

_Who the hell am I?_

_*_

In the morning, the fog is thick. Hinata hates it, but then, he doesn’t like the sun much either, detests the slimy feeling of the sweat rolling down his back. At the thought, he subconsciously loosens his tie.

The walk to the restaurant feels a million miles long.

He doesn’t want to see any of them, not right now. They’re his friends but he feels too much like a monster to talk to them- anyway, what would he say? _I killed someone in a dream and I’m afraid…_

“Who are you afraid of?” they’d say.

(Who is he afraid of?)

It’s not them, it’s not the students. They are his friends and he keeps his faith in them because without faith there is nothing, without faith there is just the time between murders that at once seems to go on forever and ends too soon.

(What about _him_ , then?)

(That person…)

Is he afraid of Nagito Komaeda?

_No._

But why isn’t Hinata afraid? He should be. He witnessed Komaeda’s eyes swirl at the trial, heard him speak of the knife he hid, the lies he told, felt his betrayal at his core- a betrayal that stunned Hinata, wounded him, dealt a blow to his carefully constructed ideals of _trust_ and _faith-_

Komaeda had betrayed him. And in doing so he had laughed at trust. And he had mocked Hinata’s faith.

So why isn’t he afraid?

(He can’t bring himself to feel scared of Komaeda. Hinata is unsettled by him, but he is not terrified; if he was he’d avoid him altogether but for some reason he doesn’t leave- no, he only feels… pity.)

_Pity for a would-be killer._

A pathetically twisted killer, no matter how manipulative, how cruel- Komaeda’s morality is broken, shattered, not poetically, but pathetically. And so Hinata pities him. And there is discomfort, there is some anger, but fear… fear doesn’t seem to factor in.

_If I’m not scared of him, am I like him?_ The thought flashes suddenly in his mind and Hinata’s hands are clammy- but suddenly he is enlightened. At last, he understands.

_I’m scared of myself. I’m scared of who I could become._

*

Days on the island are slow and bitter.

But teenagers are teenagers, mutual killing or otherwise. Ibuki drags Akane to the beach and demands she teach her how to swim (Akane is incredulous- “you never _learned?”_ Ibuki flails in the water and replies, with a grin, “Nope!” _)_ Souda asks Chiaki where Sonia is three times before she stops replying. Mikan and Mahiru attempt a sand castle and Hiyoko triumphantly kicks it down. Mikan wails. Kuzuryuu is raising his voice at Gundam, who appears to be smirking while the other boy gets red in the face.

Hinata looks at them for a while and feels strangely alien. His gaze slides to the side, away from most of the students, and falls on Komaeda.

He is intently observing them all, the usual smile on his face, and Hinata feels suddenly sick. He decides to go back to his cottage and force himself to take a nap.

*

Night falls, but it’s not too late to take a walk on the beach, and Hinata finds himself there without being fully conscious of where he wants to go. He doesn’t want to think of Komaeda, of course, but he does, and before he knows it he feels a hand on his shoulder and Hinata yelps.

“Sorry, did I scare you, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda says, smiling, and at the sight of him Hinata is instantly stiff, on his guard. 

(No one knows Hinata is here. It'd take them a while to find his body.)

“No, whatever, it’s fine,” Hinata mutters, and soon Komaeda is matching his stride and they walk in silence.

When he glances at Komaeda, the other boy is looking back at him, and Hinata immediately looks away, thinking that if he was with anyone else he'd feel calmer.

Instead he only feels a vague emptiness.

“Did you ever want to go to space, when you were younger?” Komaeda says. He’s looking up at the stars, his hands in his pockets, and soon he’s walking slower and slower until he’s stopped, and Hinata does too.

“I guess,” Hinata says slowly. “Didn’t all kids, I mean?”

“I suppose,” comes the reply. “Of course, I wouldn’t consider myself worthy of dreams.”  (and Hinata thinks, what kind of life is it? one where you won’t even let yourself wish for anything, because the belief in your own uselessness overpowers everything else? who lets themself live that way and why?) “But I always wondered if anyone was up there.”

“You mean God?” asks Hinata, and his voice cracks. He curses inwardly but Komaeda doesn’t seem to notice. Instead, he laughs sharply.

“Oh, no,” he says. “I never believed in a god.”

As usual with Komaeda, Hinata is unsure of how to reply and so turns to silence.

“I would think,” he says, and pauses for the briefest of seconds, “about aliens.”

“Oh.”

“I would wonder if they were watching  us, judging us… maybe,” and he turns to Hinata suddenly, “they’re looking at us right now, huh?” and he laughs again, the same sharp, bitter laugh.

Hinata stares at the waves. “I wouldn’t want,” he says, “anybody judging us. Not in this place, maybe not ever.”

“Are you afraid of what they’d think of you?”

Hinata starts.

“No,” Komaeda says, dismissing his own words, “of course you’re not. You’re a symbol of hope! All of your actions are purposeful, meaningful, _wonderful,_ Hinata-kun, it’s not you who should be afraid…”

“Then are you?” Hinata asks, his throat dry.

Komaeda ponders. “No… I’d like to think if anyone was up there… then they’d understand. They’d understand, of course, that my actions are purposeful too. That I try my best for the good of us all. No one understands. But you understand, right?” Suddenly Komaeda’s gaze is searching him and Hinata feels more vulnerable than ever. “Hinata-kun… do you understand?”

Hinata can’t answer. He feels as if he is going to collapse.

Komaeda smiles. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything,” and suddenly his hand is grasping Hinata’s and Hinata knows he shouldn’t be calmed by that touch, knows he should be afraid, but Komaeda is still smiling and when he says “We’re the same, you know, Hinata-kun. We can be together, right?” Hinata can only nod.

_Who are you afraid of?_

_It’s me,_ Hinata thinks, trying to hate the way Komaeda’s hand feels. _It’s still me._

**Author's Note:**

> there are a couple things wrong with this but for now i am just going to leave this here i don't have much to say about it but i hope you didn't totally hate it ahaha


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